where does the time go

Here I sit at the computer with the intention of telling you all about our trip to Jerash (a few weeks ago) or our trip to Sharm el sheik, Egypt (last weekend) yet for some reason I cannot seem to get motivated to tell you about them. Maybe it is because Jerash is more pictures of ruins taken on an incredibly hot day (Welcome to Jordan!) or maybe it is because Sharm was fun but I feel I will inevitably end up ranting about the terrible hotel. So instead as I finally find the time to write something (by find the time I mean turn my back and ignore the piles of toys on the floor, the piles of dishes in the sink, the piles of laundry waiting to be done, and probably a few other piles of things) that is more interesting to me it of course goes back to Little Lady. Lets begin!!!!

Where does the time go? I swear it was just a few days ago ( I could say yesterday but I know that isn't possible) when I was scared to death at 9pm to find out that they (the DR's) would be delivering my little peanut 5 weeks early. It was one of those moments when we went to the hospital (for the 3rd time) in labor and the Dr said those lovely words everyone wants to hear "we will wait and see". S and I sat in the hospital room, actually it was a triage room because they were unsure what to do with me at the time, staring at each other and staring at the monitors. We talked a little, joked a little, tried to take our minds off of what could possibly happen in a few minutes. We were completely unsure what to hope for. I mean the Dr is saying it is possible that we could see our little miracle tonight instead of in 5 weeks!! YAY!! Oh wait...she is not ready yet, her lungs aren't developed, are they sure they cannot just stop it again this time? I mean I could hang on a few more weeks right? If she is born tonight what will happen? Of course there was the unspoken question in our minds is tonight the first and last time we see her??? Well eventually the Dr does come back in and says "well looks like we are ago" or something along those lines. We stare are the Dr and are completely unsure how to react (see above unsureness) but we put on a brave face or well maybe I started crying I don't remember. Eventually we snap out of the shock and ask if we have time to make a few calls and for S to run out and get the camera out of the car (lucky I grabbed it on the way to the hospital- and yes I drove myself there) We did. Everyone we talked too seemed just as shocked as we were but excited. In what felt like a matter of minutes S was dressed in scrubs, I had on the doofy hat, and off we went to the operating room. The nurses got me ready and all I remember saying was Ok to everything they said. They told me what I would feel and what would happen and what was happening as I was getting my anesthesia and all I could manage was OK? Yep because I knew if I said more than Ok all my fears would come spilling out of me. SO Ok it was. A few minutes later  (more like an hour) and I am a Mommy! They say she looks great, even S kept telling me this (little did I know he and all of them were lying) I get a quick kiss and she is off to the NICU, "Just for a little air". Now what felt like an eternity later I am allowed to see her and she looks so fragile.

Our little miracle. Only a few hours old.

 She cannot breath very well, cannot eat, cannot keep her temp up, cannot even handle breathing the air in the room, cannot be touched because it would be too stimulating. Well no matter how many hurdles she had to cross I was determined to be there and help her as I could. It took what felt like a life time when in fact it was 11 days before she came home. Yep there were many fears that day and those days after that too. There were no monitors to help us anymore. We were on our own. She was home and in our arms and relatively healthy even before she was due. It is amazing what modern medicine can do and some, ok a whole lot, of prayers can do. Now today 9 months and 1 day later I sit asking myself where does the time go? How did we get this far? Little Lady decided that 2 weeks after she figured out how to crawl and 1 week after she figured out how to sit up was the time to try pulling up. She cleared the coffee table of all things that had piled (remember those piles) up there.

She also decided she needs more fiber and the coffee table is a great place to get it.

She pulled toys off of shelves, she pretty much destroyed the living room in one day. Would I change it? Nope! It is a lovely mess that I should be cleaning up right now, but I won't. As I put her to bed tonight in the crib that is now on the lowest setting (so little 5'4 of me cannot really reach the bottom) I just cannot get over how much she has accomplished in just 9 months. I marvel at it really. She is one determined little girl. She is probably too smart for her own good too. To elaborate on the smart thing - 1: within 1 hour of being given the spill proof snack cup she figured out how to make it rain puffs all over the living room. 2: the spill proof sippy cup? yep she has that figured out too. turn it upside down and push on it. the water pours out and you have a puddle to splash in. 3: Take a treat from Mommy that required taking bites??? yeah just lay it on the floor and smash it into little bite size pieces.- Yes she has learned things that we had to learn too but when you are the parent sitting back and watching the development it is amazing.  I just cannot figure out where the time goes. How does it fly by so fast? How can some minutes seem like hours and others feel like mere seconds?  If I stop and think I can remember all those sweet little milestones and moments that are now in the past but it still seems like a blur and from what I hear it will only blur more as she grows. Thank goodness for pictures right? I mean how else would we remember the toothless grin that suddenly has teeth, the skinny legs that are now chubby, the milk mustache that is now a squash stache,  or the little tiny 5 lb bundle that could do nothing (not even breath) on her own that is now ruining my living room and loving every minute of it? Yep thank goodness for pictures because Lord knows my brain can barely remember what I had for lunch today. I really think Mommy brain does exist and probably so we do not remember all the temper tantrums and other ....we shall call them ugly moments of the day.  Yep my peanut is a miracle, everyday a blessing and she is teaching me patience and makes me practice it often. So in that thought where has your time gone and are you spending it wisely?

I'm shocked and she is happy at her accomplishments