As many of you know it has been a bit of a long year for us. With the passing of my Dad last year we had many moments to reflect on and as a family we thought we were moving past this rough patch. Then this past February S's Aunt Shannon died from cancer after a long well fought battle. I had only met her a few times but we missed her and knew that it was going to be a tough time on his close knit family. Who were were away from and unable to return home for the funeral. Then while we were home this summer we attended the funeral for my Great Aunt Puff. She was
in her 90's and while it was some time coming it was not what I thought
we would do during our summer vacation. Shortly there after S's Grandmother turned yellow out of no where. We are not talking pale daisy yellow. We are talking simpson sunshine yellow. It was strange. She was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. We enjoyed the precious moments we were able to spend with her while we were home this summer and looking back wish we had taken more pictures of that time. September began with us moving again and finally being in our "home". We arrived on Thursday and I think it was Friday or maybe Saturday night (it's a blur) our phone rang. S answered and it was his sister. His grandmother had succumbed to the cancer. We laid awake that night trying to sort out what to do. We had just arrived. He had only been to work once and about a million other things and there was just no way we could get on a plane and return home so suddenly. We grieved from afar and longed to be with our family as they all gathered to say good-bye to a wonderful women. Then on September 30th my phone rang, again in the middle of the night. This time it was my nephew of all people. He never calls me and I knew there was a problem. I ran downstairs to be closer to the router and get a better signal. I hung to every shocking word that came out of his mouth "Jenn, Dad is dead". I barely made it down the stairs the rest of the way. I sunk to the floor and the rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur. Red dots, infections, cardiac arrests, ICU, Death...it all swirls together. It all feels too familiar. Why do I feel the grimm reaper is becoming one of the family. It isn't supposed to be this way. I feel selfish saying this but why me, why us, why is death surrounding us lately. I know we all have a time and a place that it will all end but serisouly is this a cruel trick of some sort. What 2 year old has a funeral dress? Mine does. She remembered being in the funeral home. She knew where the toy room was, the bathrooms, and what was expected of her. All from a year before at her Grandfather's funeral. That is just not right. This has been a very surreal time for me and for the family. We are all a bit lost. I wait the day for my plane back to Poland not because I am ready to leave my family but because I just want to run away from the constant reminders of everyone and everything. I don't like feeling this shadow. So if for a while we seem distant, quiet, or just not ourselves know we are still trying to sort this whole thing out. It has been a really crappy year. 5 deaths in one year is too many for me. I can only hope it gets better from here.
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| Not the best picture but most of my pictures are on the desktop in Poland. Mick loved to make faces especially when I was trying to take pictures of him. |
Oh and not to forget to mention. My other brother just got married. My brother that passed was to be his best man but as we said goodbye to one member of the family we gained another the next weekend. While we celebrated the joy that comes with weddings we all put on our best faces and worked hard to not get too overwhelmed with emotion by the members of our family that were missing.
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| My brother Rob, his new wife Carla, and the Flower Girl. Little Lady |
To those that have left us. We miss you and know you are all in heaven and finally pain free and able to enjoy the world as it should be.
Happy Birthday Mick. October 19th you would have been 48years. Now you are celebrating your first in heaven. Not to be selfish but sometime during the celebration watch over us and grant us the strength to get through this day as we remember everything you were to us and how we feel without you here to celebrate.
Here is the link to my post about my dad Last year.
Unexpected Vacation
